I am so sorry for not having written since my birthday in March, don’t feel to bad I haven’t been able to leave the house since then either. I didn’t realize that it’s been that long, 4 months since I ventured past the front door, no wonder I feel depressed!
I still have my sweet girl chicken, she didn’t like me collecting her eggs so she now hides them somewhere in the back of the carport. I feel sorry for whom ever finds them.
I still have both cats and my parrot and both dogs, they’re my main entertainment besides my Kindle and TV.
My mom is still with me, the hole is still at the base of her spine, raw honey has kept it infection free. She has a rash I am having trouble getting under control, a bath nurse allowed mold to grow on the mattress pad, stripped down and cleaned bed, used oatmeal on mom’s back but with triple digit heat, I just can’t stay on top of it.
I received notification yesterday that yet again the owner of the house we rent has died (this is the 3rd death in that family that inherited this house ) this time instead of passing it along to another family member they’re going to sell it. Leaving me to get rid of everything and find a new place to live. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had help sorting items to be sold, donated or trashed. I no longer have a driver’s license or a car so that is also a big problem when it’s time to move. My main stress is after tending to mom, my daily chores and dealing with my medical problems that doesn’t leave much time for sorting and packing or making inquiries into a new place. I have plenty of people to pray for us or send warm thoughts, but not one to find, the time to help, give advice or even actually talk to me. No family, no friends now that is really depressing!
It really is down to just mom and I!
We haven’t even had a visit from our pastor in 4 weeks and the hospice one doesn’t understand English and can’t read scriptures to mom, I have been so hurt and upset that I have become numb and robotic in my daily life. I guess that is how 4 months has passed without notice.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I don’t remember what has past, I am just existing alone in the darkness, Forgotten, forsaken by those I protected and dropped everything for to help them in their hour of need.
I don’t fear change, but I do fear moving heavy furniture, finding spiders in boxes and learning how much has been stolen from so called friends and family over the years. I fear realizing that I am only one small grain of sand in this universe and that I am going to die alone and never loved. Why am I fighting so hard for one more day when no one cares if I live or die? Correction, I have one person on the other side of the world and her encouragements have kept me going for almost two years now. But I need physical help, literally, to move solid oak furniture!
Seriously, help me move this other stuff and I’ll give you the oak!