I had to really watch myself today, I’m so angry and depressed, once again my mother’s made herself sick and I didn’t get to swim. I absolutely hate that she has that much control I just wish she understood that out of the water I’m in so much pain I want to die, I can’t hold my weight on my legs, my knees buckled today as I stood and without the relief of the water the swelling is very bad.
I’ve always known that my mom is the type that is only happy when she is sick or hurt and people are at her beck and call, but I just can’t feel sorry for someone that goes out of the way for the attention. She has at least one surgery every year I have been back sometimes more. I get angry at myself for getting mad at her, she is sick but there’s nursing for people like her and that is not me. I don’t mind cooking but I don’t do bathroom or changing, I am literally not that person. I hate that she keeps putting me in that kind of position over and over again, I have no savings leftover after all the medical bills, I know that some of them were mine so I don’t freak out about the money until I found out that mom was hording money into a account I didn’t have my name on. I get upset with any type of dishonesty. I will not let her problem and sickness become mine, I got fat because I tried to be someone I’m not, because that’s what she wants. That didn’t work and I am who I am, and if she doesn’t like me then it’s her loss not mine because I’m a good person just the way I am.
Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.
Posted from WordPress for Android