Ever feel like you should have just stayed in bed with the covers over your head? That day was today, our main street was blocked off for a annual chili cookoff, Mexican music blasting, old show cars horns blaring, strange people walking up and down the street throwing trash into the yards, and kid’s hyper and tired, screaming, causing the dogs to bark. I have a migraine, I wanted to draw today or at least start cutting the material but with all the chaos outside I couldn’t open any doors without the noise coming in and the dogs going crazy and it’s so dark and of course mom doesn’t like lights on during the day.
Every time I got up to get something done, mom would start with her pain noises, funny she never makes them when she thinks I’m asleep. Worse yet my parrot now makes the same noises, in her voice.
Cover head, hide in bed again and again just to make it all go away. I know she just does it for attention, she won’t go to the doctors or urgent care because I believe that they even know she just wants new pain killers, they need to get her off that crap.
I know that I sound like a heartless Bitch when it comes to my mother, but I’m not, I have been there to take charge while she’s in the hospital since I was old enough to answer the phone and write a check, I quit my job sold nearly everything and came across the United States to take care of her when she broke her hips. that was back in 2002, I am still in the living room and my things in storage. I can’t be myself, she says that her Christian friends on Facebook should they ever visit would not approve of my wiccan lifestyle. When my brother died in 2004 she told the pastor she had no family left, he tried to point out that I was right next to her and she just waved me off mumbling it should be me dead not her dear son. Yet, I am still here helping her, putting up with all her put downs at home and praised in public, just like when I was a kid, before she left me behind with my brother and father. Now, I remember why I ran away. What I’m trying to figure out is why I came back and why I stay. I’m beginning to hate being loyal to family that doesn’t care about me unless my check is late.
Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.
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