Bound by Blood


Another day of not getting a ride to the gym to swim. Since I had to get a ride to the doctors yesterday out of spite my mother locked not only her phone but the car keys in the back seat of the car. She spent until noon playing games on her computer, then took a nap until 4:00 pm, then watched TV in her bedroom until 7:00 pm, when I was going to cook dinner she asked me to borrow my phone so she could call Auto Club.

In 2010 this is the crap she pulled when I wanted to go to braille college to learn how to live in a darker world. I needed to learn how to get around with my vision loss, how to cook, how to have confidence in myself to continue with life.  I needed a ride to the bus that would take me to the school a hour and a half away, but each time my mom would stay up late the night before and take her sleeping pills like 2:30 in the morning so I couldn’t wake her up in time to catch the bus. The mornings I could get her up she would have diarrhea or fall on the way to the carport. I gave up even trying after the first semester, by then she needed surgery on her neck. During her hospital stay our neighbor would take me to the braille travel school bus where volunteers helped me with lighting for my home and bright colored cooking utensils so I could take care of myself while my mom was in rehab from surgery. As time passed, I just gave up, I gave away my computer because I quit talking to people, I couldn’t go to lunch with friends because she would fall and they would cancel thinking I was the meanest person to even think of leaving her alone for a moment. I just started sleeping, when I did get up to go to the restroom I would trip over something she moved into my little pathway I had marked out with bright tape and nightlights.

In 2012 I had a allergic reaction to medicine and I woke mom up and the first thing she asked was “Do I have time for a cup of coffee? ” I turned on the overhead bright light, she screamed, and dressed quickly. My tounge had swollen 6 times its normal size on one side. I am thankful that in a panic she doesn’t stop at lights and that the hospital is just under a mile away.  6 and a half days later I was taken off of life support. I never asked to leave the house again.
Since then, mom has had surgery on her wrist, elbow, and back twice, I lived on deliveries all of 2014, going from 314 pounds to 409. Being diabetic, I couldn’t even get a ride to the doctors since this time no arrangements were made with neighbors, the ones I knew either died of old age or moved.

This year my youngest son informed me that I would be a Grandma by June and that they were moving in with his mother in law to help with the baby since I won’t leave the house. I called my insurance company and switched plans and doctors and informed my mom that I was taking back my life, we have been fighting every since.
I don’t hate my mother, I know it’s a sickness always finding a new illness or injury to get pain killers. I feel sorry for her, and I try to help without encouraging the problem. I have never been able to please her and I never will but she is my mother and I will stay close to help as much as I can.

Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.

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