Please be Patient, just Staying Alive is Painful!


I believe that in this heat, having patients is not my strong suit. I got up early tested, took my insulin, ate and fed the critters then closed up the house and planned to rest until my 10:00 insulin to start my day.

I was startled awake by my mother’s screaming, she decided I didn’t do my chores good enough and planned to redo the cat dishes, and she fell over in the bathroom. I got her up, and she started back to her bed and found the tightest corner of the cottage to fall again. I tried to get to her but I’m too fat, and couldn’t wedge myself into the small space. I barely fit into the toilet closet, in fact over the years my knees have broken through the wall. The shower is another problem, I fit inside but can’t move so for the last year I have to go out back and rinse off with the hose. I think that is the main reason I like the gym I fit in the bathroom and showers.

I believe that the hardest part for me to have patience with my mother is that I was doing so good at the gym, loosing weight and being able to move around again, if I would have been able to continue I would have been about to board a train to be at my grandsons birth. I had to tell my son that I won’t be able to go and I won’t be able to see my grandson. I know that he is upset because I’m the only family on his side that was going. I am angry, I worked so hard only to disappoint him again. I almost missed his wedding because of her love for getting hurt and being taken care of, I am not a nurse or orderly, I endure my pain because I refuse to be like her.

Yes, I hurt every second, I have fibromyalgia, a broken neck, and arthritis and so much more but I am trying to heal naturally, to prove it can be done, and dammit, it was working. Even the doctors were talking about how the vitamins and swimming were really showing the difference in my numbers. I have ran out of most of my vitamins and the only pain medication I did use  (Lidoderm) the pharmacy still won’t let me get it, it’s approved by my insurance, it’s the pharmacy that is overriding my doctor.  Now I have to start all over and I don’t know if l have the courage or strength without the goal of seeing my first grandchild born.

As for my mom, she scooted to her bed, because of all her surgeries to her body and her age I couldn’t get into her room far enough to get a safe hold on her, (most of her hoarding is in her room, she must have 5 nightstands) with my gerth, I knock all her piles down, she wouldn’t let me call the fire department so she called the neighbor and he got her back into bed. I keep telling myself that it’s not her fault, it’s a sickness, she has to be sick just like I have to get well.  Our problem is we are both extremes, and we clash, and with the pharmacy holding back our pain killers we are taking it out on each other.
I just want to be that happy-go-lucky person I once was.

Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.

Posted from WordPress for Android


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