The headaches are coming on stronger than ever before, I keep getting cramps through out my body, I slept through most of today, only to wake up to check my phone for messages from my son, still no grandson.
I did take my insulin and make meals for mom and I, just hurts to much to even stand up. I didn’t even realize that it was night until I let the dogs out just now, another day lost.
I actually dreamed today, I knew it was a dream because I don’t have any grandchildren, yet.
I dreamed I was on a picnic with my ex-husband and two grandchildren, a boy about 8 and a girl about 5 outside of a church on a lusciously green lawn at the edge of a 10 foot embankment of a huge lake. I remember asking my ex-husband not let my granddaughter play so close to the edge, jokingly, he leaned back, starting to tell me how safe the edge really was, I remember seeing bits of gravel and earth break away under his but, I was fixated on it, but only for a moment, I looked up at his face and started to talk. All of a sudden this blur of white and black stripes with a wide red ribbon hit my ex-husband full force while he was still off balance over the edge, I remember a scream bubble up my throat and I remember lurching to grasp anything on my granddaughter. I remember watching my ex-husband fall slowly backwards, the back of his head hitting a rock and his body just slowly sliding in the dirt until it reached the water. I watched as he went under the water and he just floated about a inch under the surface, I remember being frozen, I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t move my legs, I knew I had to crawl down and get his head out of the water. I went to move my hands to force myself to crawl forward, but my arm was just so heavy, my eyes traced down to my hand and I was holding the arm of my crying granddaughter, I looked at the still face under the water, and I woke up.
I wanted to go back to the dream to save him, yes, in real life he tried to kill me, but I could never willingly let anyone die, even the devil himself. I tried all day but couldn’t save him.
Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.
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