I will always choose the animals over people!

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Let’s start by saying that I am not a nurse, maid or orderly, if I were I would have gone into that profession by choice. The fact is, I have been around so much sickness and death in my lifetime that I can’t handle being near or around hospitals, or sickness for very long before panic sets in. My mother is a hypochondriac and feels she has to be sick or hurt all the time to have  the attention she requires. I am legally blind, things must be still for me to focus making driving a moving car out of the question, so if my mom gets hurt my only option is to call 911 or get a neighbor to transport her. Our neighbor used to come over and change my mom’s bed sheets and help bath her, but last year she was in moms room alone and mom’s cat attacked her, she has tried several times since to enter our house, but that cat actually charges her and back’s her out of the house.  Now, this same cat stays under the bed if a repairman or my sons are over, which leads me to believe that this friend of mom’s was up to no good when he attacked her. I know that neighbor does not like me, which I never understood why not, knowing she is my mom’s best friend, I always have taken care of her when she needed it.  A few years ago her TV was broken in a earthquake and it was near her birthday so I bought her a new one and gave her all the paperwork so she could register it in her name and collect the rebates. I bought her a new lawnmower because the one she had was just too much for her to handle at her age.  But when I was in the coma she would throw out my things, my bed, computer, clothing and all my artwork. So I think mom’s cat is telling me something and I believe the cat. My mom stays up late or leaves her TV on when her pills take effect and the dogs bark all night when the sound changes and startled them, I give her a homemade  sweet every night after she takes her pills, once they take effect it can take hours to get her to push the off button. I am in the living room so her TV flashes lights in the mirrors and walls keeping me awake, she knows that with her piles of stuff I can’t fit into her room and that if I stay up all night long I can’t get outside to do the stuff I need to. Mom doesn’t like to share, she bought a new fancy washing machine and won’t explain how to use it so clothes haven’t been done since before Memorial Day weekend, I have been hand washing my clothes and just wearing them wet to stay cool on really hot days. I wish she would go see a doctor, I wouldn’t get so upset with her all the time. If she’s really hurt or sick she won’t even argue about going but when it’s for attention she drags her feet. She is the type that will state the obvious just to make conversation, or she will ask why about every noise, why do the neighbors slam the doors so loud? Or ask me to look at something, hello, your supposed to have the better vision. I can put up with a lot of crap from any one and I am the first to give the shirt off my back, but my mom knows how to get under my skin, she will lay in bed, refusing to go to the bathroom, it’s to far, she has a potty right next to the bed, oh right its under junk. But get a call from the pharmacy and it’s a miracle, she is up and running around to get ready to go. I think it’s all these little things going on around me that triggers my panic attacks and drains me to get the stuff done all by myself, she forgets that I have pain to, yet I get the food made and served to her and the animals, and get as much house work done that I can. I am going to get this pool up! I am going to get better and I am going to move out of the city.  Mom can come with but I won’t drag her. She is only one corner of my mind, I have to always move forward, I can’t stop because starting over hurts to much.

Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.

Posted from WordPress for Android

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