I have always associated myself with Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, even though in college I was Winnie the Pooh at Disney because everyone always assumed I was more like him; the truth was I really wanted to be Tigger and bounce!
All through life people saw me as happy go lucky, if it rained, I was out playing in it, dancing or using the water to wash my car. inside my mind I was envious of the people around me. I don’t mean that I wanted possessions, I wanted things much more deeper than that. I was envious of the laughter shared between friends, the fondness between families, the genuine love in the eyes of couples; these were the things of my dreams. I didn’t want diamonds, I wanted someone to look me in the eye and say that they really loved me. I used to pray for someone other than my parents to spank me, because in my house that was affection. After I grew up and moved out affection was shown in dollar bills, bad year I got a card, good year I got $500.00 that was my love. The kind I saw all around me was a fairy tale and I was no princess.
Yesterday I pushed myself past my limits and was in so much pain that I couldn’t sleep, my legs were cramping, my toes were numb and my ankles on fire. I am out of my tart cherry and other main vitamins I use so I spent the night pacing in between putting my feet up. I hate when I can feel my heart pounding, not in my chest but in my knees and ankles.
Today, I rested, I took the day off and called in dead to my goals. I did put groceries away each time I went to the kitchen to make mom’s meals or feed the critters. I took a long hot shower and washed my hair. I slept solid for most of the day and made a light dinner of baked heirloom tomatoes on sourdough with mozzarella and pesto. I tested my glucose levels and it was 73 first time under 150 in 3 months since I quit going to the gym to swim.
I guess taking time off every once in a while isn’t as bad as I thought. As Eeyore would say “OH WELL, I GUESS IT DIDN’T RAIN AGAIN TODAY! ”
Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.
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