I have been through and done a lot with my life in my first 50 years, but I know in my heart that I wouldn’t change a single thing that has happened to me.
I may not have asked for some of the things to have happened to me, but it was my choice to survive it, my choice to except it wasn’t my fault, to learn from the experience and to turn it around and make it a positive impact on my growth into being the best adult I could be.
Most of my family is dead and gone, except for a rare few, I was relieved of their passing. I was even able to dance on the grave of the worst of them (my father) and seal him into the pits of hell myself.
I Had Won!
I survived and even his hatred of me, his worthless, money making whore of a daughter who was born only to serve men, had out lived him!
On his death bed I whispered into his ear; I thanked him for his harshness and creative teachings and lessons through out my youth, I praised him for standing his ground and never backing down from his hatred of me. I remember him turning his head and watching as his eyes widened in fear of my genuine smile and glow. I told him that I never hated him and he could die knowing that I forgave him, that I wouldn’t change a single moment of my life, because of him, I learned how to appreciate the everyday basics most people take for granted, I have the compacity to love more than my heart could ever hold without it ever filling up. Because of him I could never hate anything and always will strive to find the good in everything. I thanked him for making me a fighter and a strong woman who because of him, will work hard to help others who were abused and never asked for the life that they were given. I told him that if I changed just one single thing that happened, I might not have been able to help someone survive the same situation and that was totally unacceptable to me (leave no man behind! ), not to mention that if I changed anything I wouldn’t have my sons.
I reminded him that he taught me to serve, that I just decided to serve the wounded instead of the attacker. That I chose to go out of my way to Never be like him, and that only I decide what I can become as I continue to live. I kissed him goodbye, told him that I loved him and left the room, he died within the hour of a massive heart attack.
I have a female cousin who is the daughter of my dad’s youngest brother, we were raised the same, and often used as competitors for the highest bidder, she was not strong, she gave into the hatred and the money and got into drugs and has spent her life in and out of institutions, she still hates me to this day and still tries to compete for attention, I feel sorry for her on the outside she is beautiful, she made her choices in life, she chose hiding behind drugs and as far as I know still waits on her father who is the last one of that generation alive and I have nothing to do with them, and that is my choice.
I chose what I want out of life, I make my own rules for my life, I don’t judge others because I don’t know what they went through to still be alive today. I don’t know where I will be or what I will become in 10 years time, I do know that I will be 10 years wiser, still smiling, and still going forward helping all I can along my way. I choose to be strong and I choose to live and never look back.
THE ONLY THING THAT YOU HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OVER IN LIFE, IS YOU!
Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.
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