This is how I survived, how I find that inner fire to take that next step, I find a way to love what I should hate.
I read your poems and my heart tightens and cries out, I understand, I feel like that’s about me.
I see your artwork and the dreamer in my soul takes flight and rejoices at the beauty.
I read your blogs and articles and my eyes mist as my heart discovered a part of myself I didn’t know I was missing.
Every day life is about taking things away that you worked so hard to get. You work, get paid, pay bills, and there’s nothing leftover to even eat. This is my mind set of late. I am trying to jump outside of this pattern as one jumps out of a double dutch rope game, it’s all about the timing and rhythm. But clutsy me, I am getting tangled up, not in the process of the problems but in the ropes surrounding the game.
I don’t mind change, it’s sudden surprising that happens that takes my breath away, like having a nurse you can trust and work well with get pulled away for no reason except for a glitch somewhere in the system. Why is the computer always right? Hey guys, a stupid human is the one in putting the information into the computer to begin with. I once had a argument at work because when I went to pickup my paycheck I was told I didn’t have one because the computer said I was dead. I knew this person over a year and they wouldn’t take their eyes away from the computer screen to just look at me (not dead) but very much alive, and standing there. I even had to fight to get my years back, all because of the wrong information or button was pushed. I wish people could go back to thinking for themselves. I don’t even think many people still know how to count back money, so reliant society is on computers.
However, having worked for the government, I don’t have a computer, I don’t have credit cards, and if I wasn’t on social security I wouldn’t have a bank account. I have seen both sides of that coin and it terrified me more than my childhood ever could. I never had panic attacks until I realized that I am only a replaceable number and the government only listens to its computers that people like me put the information into them.
If right now I had to name a movie that described my life, I would have to say The Net, with Sandra Bullock, I am fighting to prove that I exist, that I am more than just a number, I may not be able to cry, but I still feel, I still bleed.
I am just more dust being swept under the government’s rug.
Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.
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