I May Not Have The Words, I still Refuse to Give Up!


I am very mellow of late, having my vitamins again my pain has gone from over 20 to around 12, a very manageable number for me to live with. I choose not to take some medicine for pain and my body demands that I don’t take others, so I pick and choose my vitamins and meals to help me through the day. 

With a broken neck and the damage done to my teeth and throat the last time they shoved tubing down me, I choke on everything so I am grateful for vitamins and vegetarian gelatin capsules, only a few I take are still in tablet form and I have to cut them down.

When I get to this mellow place, I just enjoy it and ride the wave as long as I can. I cook and bake during this time, I listen to the internal music always playing in my head  (some hear voices, I hear beautiful blends of music) This music calms me, I always think of Vincent  (original Beauty and the Beast) when he would sit in the tunnel under central park and listen to the concerts, only the music came into the tunnel clearly, the voices were muffled and only a background noise. I wish I knew how to write down what I hear, it’s forever changing. The movie August Rush, describes it best of all except he understood how to write it for others to understand and hear. I tried taking music in Jr . high school, but because my brother was a genius with any type of horn the teacher forced me to play trombone  (which I hated!) I wanted to play the violin or clarinet, and for punishment was assigned to the cello, which was ok except for the music notes would not stay in my head no matter how hard I studied, as soon as I looked up, POOF! gone.

Like my mellow days, POOF, brain cells gone! I cook because it’s automatically something I’m good at and can do in my sleep.  I have been posting my creations for a few reasons.
1. They’re good enough to share
2. It’s a passion of mine, and a big part of who I am.
3. When I cannot form the words to write in my blog, posting my food let’s those I care about know I am still around, not dead, and not quitting.

I took a big step today, I made it down the steps, a orange had fallen off the tree and was on the walkway, calling me, taunting me with its sweet smell and juicy delightful fruit just waiting for me to pick it up.  And I did!
I even picked one off the tree for mom and the parrot. I will wash them, peel them (I grate the peel into my morning coffee grounds before brewing) I will serve them fresh for dinner with cornbread and honey, simple dinner on a hot night  (6 pm and 99 degrees)

Hopefully the rain will come and cool down the cement and asphalt.
Enjoy your evening

Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.

Posted from WordPress for Android


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