So many of us are going through a lot of crap and nights are the worst, I know for me the nights are a mixture of beauty and terror so finely blended that I don’t know my up from down and I am a jumbled ball of confusion. Lucky for me, I bounce!
I love the moon and during a full moon I am in awe of nature. The moonlight baths my world in a dreamy almost freshly fallen snow, dead trees covered by shimmering specks of light, like a million stars come down just to keep me company. I believe in fairies, and find myself at 51, still hoping to catch a glimpse of one. I have to have faith that even here, in the city that they will come find me once again. When I lived in the deep south, I had fairy gardens and houses (Ok, a full town) my youngest son and I would leave food and gifts and I would be blessed with the strongest smelling flowers to make my perfume and bathsalts. I am a country girl and I am literally a fish out of water here in the city.
I have always been a creature of the night, I could never sleep, so that is now my time, well it is now, but I had to work hard to conquer my fears of the monsters and demons that dwelled in the darkness. The heavy breathing and shadows at my bedside once used to terrorize me where I couldn’t even move. As I got older I found if I welcomed the monsters that I took the fun out of their games.
Until my 20’s, I was afraid of spending the nights alone, so I would do anything blindly to have a live body next to me during the night. Until someone dared me to get to know myself, no men, for just one week, just me, a candle and a mirror and a tape of my voice narrating a mental journey. That one week turned into two, staring at myself for hours during the night, the candle making shadows everywhere, I learned that they were just that, shadows. I also learned that I liked who I saw looking back at me, I also found that I always was the one to protect myself, that I was programed to think that I was nothing without a man in my bed.
I love being alone now, the nights are my favorite friends and I still like me.
Don’t sell yourself short, you are a amazing person and once you get to know yourself and like who you find, others will want to know about you also.
Don’t give up before you even start!
Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.
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