We’re Not on the Same Page, I’m in a Completely Different Book!

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I am so glad that I can just go with the flow, I had planned to make a bunch of calls today and went to get the numbers off my cards in the wallet and realized that my mom took the wallet with her to the doctors.  Well, I will have to do that tomorrow so today I cut up as many empty boxes as I could and put them into the recycling can before mom got home to say she’s going to find a use for them.

Another hot day here in the valley, the dogs go out, do their business and come right back in smelling like hotdogs, Yuck! Wishing I had my pool project finished but it makes me want to work harder.

Can not believe that it’s already after 4 pm the day is almost over, my back is killing me from bending over the boxes while cutting them up, so glad that the insurance company didn’t fight my new doctor about upping my Lidoderm patches because I sure need it today.  Only have to hang in there a few more hours to apply them, I think tonight I will put saran wrap over the patches to intensifie the medicine into my skin.

I have always been either chapters ahead of my peers or totally in a different book from those around me, I am forever in a dream like state, I see beauty in everything no matter how bad reality really is.  When I shake someone’s hand for the first time, they think that I am cold or indifferent when really mind is projecting images so quickly that I am quietly processing everything about that person. The smile plastered on my face will not give away my findings, this gift served me well when I worked side by side with my inmates.  This same gift is now one of my reasons for panic attacks, what if when I was in a coma I lost the gift? What if I try to trust someone and the gift fails me? I have spent the last three years inside my house, I watch the news, only in the morning, mostly to see if any of the cops now corrupt were at one time considered a friend.

I don’t make friends very easily, but when I do I put them above all else, I am trying very hard, to not be so intense as to scare them away, I guess I’m more like the old cartoon character that squeezes and hugs forever and ever and wants to name them George!

Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.

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3 thoughts on “We’re Not on the Same Page, I’m in a Completely Different Book!

  1. Great idea about clearing the boxes, I must admit, I always try and find a use for the large ones. There is definitely something fun about a large empty box ! xx
    I’m glad you seem optimistic about your medicine and the idea of using wraps sounds good. X
    I understand what you mean about wearing a permanent smile. Sometimes it can backfire and people think we are genuinely ‘on top of the world’. The truth is, we have had years of perfecting the cover-up smile.
    Sounds like your motivation is high right now, go for it, you are strong enough to achieve your goal. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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