I Don’t like the new layout WP changed to, I liked the old one better. I have enough change going on in my life this blog is supposed to be my safe harbor, my comfort zone.
I can’t believe that today is one week from my mom’s stroke, the blood clot is almost gone and her color is back, her vitals are still strong but the medicine is keeping her asleep and besides saying ouch today when her hair was brushed, I couldn’t tell she was still there.
I push myself to clean and not think about what if this or that. I am afraid, I have no one to talk to about my questions and thoughts. The neighbor, mom’s best friend, is getting gruffer and more short tempered each day, she doesn’t check on me or ask how I’m handling everything, in fact, no one does.
Even the pool project has become scary, what if I slip the gardeners come once a week, (I did order a stool to sit on so I won’t be on the ground inside the pool and not be able to get up. I now have to think about all these things, at least for my animals, who are the only ones who need me to get better so that they get fed.
I want so much to get behind the wheel of my car and just get the things done that I need to, but if I walk into walls it’s just me that gets hurt, but driving blind, (i can’t make things out past 3 feet and it must be absolutely still ) I would be taking everyone out there’s life in my hands and I couldn’t live with that. I don’t like hurting anything, so I try to forget about the car for now.
With all the stess lately, I have had a migraine and I can’t even slow down to let it go away or my mind starts panicking and then my heart races and I can’t breath. Dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t!
I have a 8am conference with a insurance technician to find a better insurance company for both mom’s and my needs, I sure don’t want to stay with who we have.
So I am still moving forward, I am still trying to get better, and I am fighting against my pain, panic attacks, migraine, and just every day life so many people today take for granted. I did pay the rent today I was proud that I was able to all by myself, thanks to braille for the special magnification lamps. I also took the filter out of the attic to clean, which I did but couldn’t make it up the ladder twice in one day, just to hard on my knees. (why do the steps have to be so far apart? )
Almost 3 am just starting to get tired, and of course my nose decided it wants to run,so if I lay down I start coughing and have to sit back up and get a tissue.
You know life can really Suck at times!
Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.
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