As I sit here contemplating my next move once the pain in my ankles subsidies, I am still lost, but can feel the flame of hope still burning strong somewhere in the depths of my soul, I must push forward.
Mom is still breathing on her own she has not eaten a meal since the 28th of August, she had a nourishment IV on September 8 and only a regular IV with potassium as a permanent fixture to her small frame. I have to admit that I am beyond impressed with her will to live. If she can be that strong, then so can I.
Today I cleaned out the expired crap under the bathroom sink, I do believe that some of it was from the 1800’s. Tomorrow, ok, when the sun comes up, it will be trash and gardening day so I will just fill more bags to throw out when my trash can is back in the backyard. I have been doing laundry during the nights when it’s been in the lower 80’s outside. My joints are killing me tonight, burning, cramping and small jumpy ticks , just enough to keep me awake and putting heat patches and Lidoderm patches scattered throughout my body to try to relax enough to fall asleep. I believe that we just might get much needed rain very soon by all the extra pain.
I even made it to the store yesterday and stocked up on food to last me hopefully until October. My vitamins arrived today so those are covered until December, I even managed to buy 3 new much needed tops to wear when I go see mom, I have been wearing old pajama tops, since at home I wear wet underwear tank tops from my correctional officer days back before 2002. They are holier than the pope himself.
I believe that I have nearly caught up on sleep, and I have been living on tomatoes and will continue with the exception of more proteins for the extra pushing to complete daily tasks and continued fight to get mom taken care of. She will be getting her feeding tube in Wednesday sometime, about time! I guess mom proved that you can live on prayers alone.
Well patches are slightly started to work now instead of jumping joints, I have the feeling of a million biting ants crawling my legs. Remembering my life in the deep south and stepping into a mound of piss ants, Ouch! !!
Bet I will have some wild dreams now! Hopefully of Billy Jack, who stood up for those who could not fight for themselves against such great odds. He always got beat up, but never gave up and always came back again and again, that is how I always wanted to be.
Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.
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