I’m Lost, Is Anyone Even Looking For Me?


I can’t believe that it’s already Saturday, where has the week gone? I am so tired of this heat and humidity, I expected it when I lived in the deep south, but here in California, I don’t remember it ever being this bad growing up.

I have so much to get done and need to but my mind and body are just not listening to me, I only have a few months before mom runs out of time on her insurance. I wish I could just build a small place overlooking a body of water where mom could spend the rest of her days, that would make her so happy. But after working my fingers to the bone all of those many years, I have nothing left to show for it, between my sons, mom, and the state taxes and my own health problems, it’s all gone, every last dime.

I have to figure out a solution, but as I said before, mind and body are no longer helping me out. I need energy, I need cooler weather, I need some good news every once in a while, instead of constantly being bombarded with problems after problems. I am only human, I am literally trying to just keep my head above water here, I don’t want to drown, but I am so very tired. I feel so alone in the darkness in the middle of the ocean and every shark is circling and bumping into me, I am getting caught up in the fear, I am pushing harder than I ever had to before, I just can’t convince myself that I will ever be rescued, I have no lifeline left to call on. I need to find that ring of light, something, anything that I can hold on to and trust to help me float until I am found.
Sometimes, you ask for help and only get silence in return.

Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.

Posted from WordPress for Android


9 thoughts on “I’m Lost, Is Anyone Even Looking For Me?

  1. I know it is a dirty word, but what about the government. Once you run out of insurance, then medicaid or whatever you have there should take over. Of course they take everything she might own. Or doesn’t she have to stay in a nursing home?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tessa, she can’t go into a local home because of her feeding tube, such BS. She will have to come back here and we will have to hire a nurse, she can’t go into a full care place because she gets $ 100 more from social security than they allow her to qualify. I hate red tape, it all boils down to who gets her money. Greedy jerks! No more caring for the person.


  2. Tessa, you are so right. I can’t believe that again we won’t get a cost of living. I barely get a thousand a month to live on, (social security ) and I worked for that money but they treat you like it’s a hand out.


    1. Me too. And their reasoning that the cost of living hasn’t gone up is pure bull. Every week you go to the store it is higher and higher. The only thing that went down was the gas and the food stores use the cost of transportation as their reason for increasing the prices. Someone needs to make things right.


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