I’m Not Lost, I’m On My Way!


I know, I know, I haven’t been writing enough.
Well, I am writing now!

So much has been happening with my mom that I sometimes forget to breathe, all the stress caused me to break out in skin ulcers.  My numbers were going up, not down and my doctor suggested that I put my mom on hospice since her insurance company has denied everything. I am back using a cane, my ankle has given up and is folding over, no one can say that I’m not exercising, I’m running around more now, changing diapers, laundry, and making all foods into baby food, not to mention the dishes, dogs, cats and the bird that have to be taken care of. I thought for sure that my doctor was going to lecture me for not meeting my goals to be down under 350 pounds by now, but instead she smiled and laughed and said she was proud of me. I was stunned!
She brought to my attention that while I have been dealing with my pain, I have still seen to all my mom’s needs alone, without any help or support.  That while making sure she was taking care of, I pushed past my own fears and weaknesses and started new accounts, taken taxi rides with strangers, went shopping, fought against the system and won some of the money back that should never have been taken in the first place.
So, since my last post, mom has been put on hospice, has a working bed, gets baths 3 times a week and the doctor came to the house and scheduled her to have all her tubes removed next month. I had my car towed up north to my youngest son and his wife since they were driving my grandson around in a 1997 gas guzzler, and mine was a 2008 with only 28,000 miles.  Since mine was paid off, and the insurance was paid up until June, I just added my daughter in law to my insurance, for now, they just have to pay for the tags and insurance until I decide if I want to sell it  (we’re still hoping that if I lost weight my sight will return ) I just didn’t want it to sit around rotting when they needed a safer car for my grandson.
So, yes, I am still over weight, still in pain, and still fighting depression and anxiety and my panic attacks but I am continuing to move forward, one step, then one day, and hopefully before I know it, I will have reached my goals.
Just this week, I made it down to the drained pool and swept out all the leaves, however, the mud has dried and I need to sweep the dirt out without popping the pool, but with the weather turning warmer, I am literally looking forward to swimming again.  Still so much to do before I can completely relax but I think that I have made a very good dent!
I believe that I have earned a good Thai dinner tonight, after survived a panic attack from going to a bank downtown on a weekend, I didn’t kill anyone and I am still alive, yes, I would say that I had a very good day!

Always Smile, Never let them see your fear!
Don’t give anyone power over you, only you can take charge of your life.

Posted from WordPress for Android


2 thoughts on “I’m Not Lost, I’m On My Way!

  1. Hello my faraway friend.
    Reading this made my eyes water.

    It is not just your doctor who is proud of you…I am too.

    I haven’t been on here for ages. I’ve made wrong choices and decisions which messed with my mind.

    I’m still in a bad place, but reading your continuous struggle and determination. Reading about you overcoming fears and panic attacks has made me stop and think.

    I’m not going to be able to write regularly as I have a few issues to sort. But I have always wondered how you are and what you’ve been doing.
    Sending you hugs xx
    An old friend xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Every day I have sent up a prayer that you are alright, I am glad that you are. So many times I wanted to just give up and each time instead I pushed past my limits. I wish that you can one day learn to trust and find your inner strength and fight the demand on us from this unforgiving world. trust yourself, you can do it, I have faith in you. I love you!

      Liked by 1 person

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