Walls Keep Crumbling Down Around Me!

One month of complete non-stop Hell!

I don’t understand how I’m still alive and I haven’t killed anyone, who knew that I could handle so much, so fast, we are talking rapid fire, and my faith and strength is nearly gone. 

Dealing with death in the family is hard enough to face, but losing your oldest friend without warning just days after you lose your uncle, and dealing with a mother who had another stroke from the news and the phones go down so no 911 calls can be made. 

Plumbing backing up, house flooded, workers leaving gates open and dogs getting out. Nearly every person I know is dealing with some kind of cancer, mom’s afraid it’s something in the water, so won’t drink tap. 

I can’t remember when I was able to leave the house, I guess I should look up my last taxi bill, I am so stressed that I have broken out in hives and boils, my social security was cut in half because Obama care went up again, hospice is supplying less and less causing me to order more from amazon. I can’t keep up with the chores, nursing staff, bills and Pain. Mom has been more demanding, insurance is not sending the correct amount of insulin supplies for me, I ran out of needles for the pen and am using my old stash that bruise me from 2013. My migraines are constantly making me dizzy, and being legally blind, and diabetes I am a poster woman for the abused, you can dot to dot my bruises. 

I have no one to watch mom so I can see my doctor, funny, I always made time to help friends in need but when I ask everyone is to busy. I have cleared my so called friends and family from my life, just couldn’t take the deep depression they were putting me in. I have one friend left and she is all the way on the other side of the world. in the year we have met we have never missed a day of emailing each other and now we Skype when we can. I used to have many support friends on here but that is my fault for not writing more often. I want to, but my day starts at 5 am and ends around 2 am not leaving time to write or sleep or take care of myself. 

Most of the time I just want it all to end, but each day I am still here, I still force myself to care for my mom and the animals and if I have anything left to offer I take care of me.

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